And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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