Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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