Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
