she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
