We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
