i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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