I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
