Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
