If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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