you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
