I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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