That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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