he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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