I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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