can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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