You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
