for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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