yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
