I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
