what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
