Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
