I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
