so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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