i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
