He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
