So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
