Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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