i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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