I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
