lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
