When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize