There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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