You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
