There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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