My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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