a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
