matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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