Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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