She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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