Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
