I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
