YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
