The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
