he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
