last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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