the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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