Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
