Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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