This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
