Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
