i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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