everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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