he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
