God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
