Buhtt sex?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
