Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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