Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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