if i can run in heels then i can drive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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