At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
