I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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