i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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