I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
pray to the hookup gods
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
