I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
