Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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