My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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