he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
