if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
