Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
