I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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