Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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