Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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