I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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