Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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