we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
