she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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