I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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