Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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