I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
