im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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