You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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