and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
