I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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