You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
