Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
