would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
