how can u be prego again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
