i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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