So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
In America we eat man semen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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