this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
